Scientifically proven fact!

It is a scientifically proven fact that whenever someone uses the phrase "scientifically proven fact" what they really mean is 'I heard someone say this and I believed them, but I haven't put in the time and effort to find any references for it' or possibly 'I read it on wikipedia'.

It is self-evident that when someone uses the phrase "it is self-evident" what they really mean is 'this is my interpretation of the facts and if you come to different conclusions then you are wrong'.

And 99% of statistics that claim that "99%" of some group are united on an issue are completely made up.

I've heard two of these abused in the past 24 hours and it can't be long before someone uses the third...